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Have a Happy New Year everyone, and may 2004 be better than those gone by… okay so I’m a few hours early… but I’m gonna get a few hours sleep before I have to go out. Hopefully it’ll make up for my lack of sleep and I’ll still be able to wake up at 8-ish tomorrow to go to the beach and get free cheapo parking… anyways I’m off, time to fall asleep listening to music in the dark coolness of my room.. Laters! =)

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Bought the Coldplay album Rush Of Blood To The Head yesterday… it’s good if you want to listen to kind of melancholy tunes… good for days where you just want to laze around. Tomorrow is NYE. Still have yet to finalise what to do. Hmm I think I will go an run of some CDs onto tape.

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Well finally went and bought Salam Pax’s book/blog thingo. Gonna start reading it in a sec after I finish of this post. Kinda tired today, I think I’m a bit sunburnt on my bach ‘cos it’s red which is really strange, because I never use to go like that… and what’s funnier is cos I had my hair down when I walked to Bondi, theres a white patch in the middle of my top back area. Other than that, I’m off to read…

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Mmm went to Bronte today with Sal. I actually drove there, and we didn’t get to lost (thanks to map reading and directions by Sal). ‘Twas good, weather was okay, if not a bit overcast, but still good nonetheless. On the way back was our lostness phase… bloody Oxford Street split and we were in the wrong lane. But funnily enough the route we took ended up being shorter in getting back me thinks. Then around the football stadium the rodes are crossed and we were on the Eastern Distributor lane (whatever that is >.

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And I wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Okay so I’m a couple of hours early, but it really doesn’t make no difference. Today is as good enough as tomorrow and for that matter any other day. Mmm its a bit different this year. Dad has gone away for a couple of days down the coast so it’s just me, bro and mum. And tomorrow we’ve gonna have lunch at Mama’s instead ‘cos she’s back at the nursing home now. Yeah different is a way I’d put it, though the usual was kindof mundane in its own way. Wanted to hit the beach on the 26th but apparently I’ve got some air hostess of a cousin who’s in town who I have to meet or something. Still hopefully I can meet them in the morning then nick of to the beach? This and next week is the beach week! Weather better be good…

Listening to Something Corporate… it feels kind of melancholy in here… the coolness of the air conditioning against the darkness of the room with its blinds closed to stop the sun, casting a glowing shadow inwards as I sit here, in front of the brightness of the screen typing away here…

If you ran to the end of the earth, i would catch you and you would be safe
if you fell down a well, i would bring you a rope and take all of your pain
all the pain
all the pain
that you hide from me everyday

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Second post for today… well following on from my previous banter, I’ve just spent the last hour or thereabouts scouring university websites regarding graduate courses in the field of education. Reasons for this, is because looking at all the info, if I choose to go down that path I need experience in a second teaching area outside computing studies… grrr. That’s something I will need to consider when I choose my electives. But I left my electives till my final year, so it gives me more time to think and procrastinate. Though if UTS still offers TAS (and they better), it says another TAS area… so hopefully VET counts as that, and I’ll just continue on my Cert II to get my Cert IV. Which would be funny, cos then IT VET actually turned out to be useful… Mmm but I have to maintain a at least Credit average for the duration of my first degree.

I’m muddled and fuddled and confused and lost and not sure of what I want to do in my life anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I love computers and info tech and always will, and I would love to work in the real world, designing info systems etc. But I don’t picture myself as a ‘suit’. Not all companies require their employees to be ‘suits’, but most of the major IT companies do (and if I am to work in the real IT world, that is where I would want to be). But my lack of ‘suitness’ is something that may partly lead to my sway in career. Maybe my lack of wanting to be a ‘suit’ is ‘cos maybe I’ve never growed up? and maybe I don’t want too (I’m not sure on that aspect). Responsibilities are okay, I don’t have a problem with that, but I don’t feel comfortable with that as we get older (and hopefully wiser), we have to change our ways, style, presentation etc to the world. So I guess mentioning that word – CHANGE – it is partly a fear of mine. But I honestly don’t see myself in 3 or 4 years wearing real clothes or anytime in the near distant future either. I’d like a job where I could just me. And yet I still have to find me… I’m here somewhere just hiding and waiting to be found… yet I don’t know when or where I am.

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Grrr the Big Day Out timetable is up, and dammit Muse are clashing with Jet. Bugger… but I think I *have* to see Muse… ‘cos there music is… I can’t describe it properly, maybe enchanting is the word? but not the exact word I am looking for.

I was reading this blog today and the blogger was talking about the state of the I.T. industry in terms of outsourcing. Was interesting, as I have thought about these issues this last year and a bit, because it’s something that will affect me in the future. Though I guess I do have a backup plan up my sleeve which I would be quite happy/content with too, so I guess thats a comforting thought.

Mmm at the moment I’m stuck with coding something in Java. Been using JTable for the first time and I’ve skimmed the docos only briefly… but now I somehow need to update the model when the user enters/changes the data in a/the cells and am having probs doing so. The docos are confusing, and my brain ain’t functioning so maybe I’ll have another attempt later. Mmm though I probably should’ve done this in ASP.NET or something I guess, but I don’t think my version of IIS supports ASP.NET which I s’pose is a reason not to do so, plus I haven’t looked at .NET on my life!

Stockholm Syndrome by Muse rocks!

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I went to work/school today. Only stayed for 3 hours. I figure if I do a couple of 2-3 hour days I’ll finish by the end of the hols/ So yeah I rock up round 8:30 and leave 11:30 ish… so it’s pretty good/okay. After school today though, I went and visited Mama in hospital. It was kinda okay. She looks worse for wear than she did about 2 weeks ago. Like she’s kind of suddenly aged, and her skin is all wrinkly and dry and limp and yeah bruises still where theres been needles and all. Not exactly the nicest sight, but I guess that’s to be expected. I stayed there for a pretty long time, like 1 and a half hours, ‘cos I had to help her eat which was okay, though she’s kind of lost her appetite, and her will at the same time. Kind of sad really.

On a lighter note, I hope the weather is good this weekend, so we can hit the beach… maybe Bondi ‘cos Manly’s all like kids now, ‘cos they think its the easiest to get too and the parking is kind of reasonable, if we actually get into the carpark and split the cost. But yeah I guess we’ll just wait and see on the weather and who’s free.

Mmm and I’m in a little bit of dilemma. I’ve applied for one tutoring job at uni, and am now hesitant on submitting my resume to a second one. Firstly ‘cos present work can employ me for up to 3 days a week next year. I was gonna work two there and another at uni (assuming I got the job). Uni would be tutoring, which is kinda newish to me, but I think I can handle it. Plus it’d look good on the resume, and it pays slightly more than current job. But… I like current job, and its nearby, so I gotta take into account the travel/time verses expense thingo. Also the uni tutoring days the subjects are on are my actualy free days which means I’d then be working really 1 and 3/4 days at present job and 8 hours roughly at uni. And yeah current job I can get to in like less than 10 minutes, whereas uni would take upwards of at least 30 minutes… what’s better uni on your resume or a school? I dunno… I’d love to do both. Staying with current job, I would do similar thing to at uni as well, like teach ppls how to use computers more efficently etc. So yeah I dunno. But yeah next yeah will be kinda cool/busy… working like 3 days and going to uni for 3 days too… (one of the days I go at night, so yeah). Hectic!

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Mmm sometimes are you lost and not sure WTF you’re meant to say if anything? I’m in one of those dazes… well I wouldn’t say a daze as it’s not really like that but kind of like that if you get the idea? Anyways went over to Chats with Sally today bummed bought some pressies for relos etc.. yeah the usual Christmas rush pretty much.
Going to work tomorrow. I’m going to go in early and leave early… also because I dont think i’ll go any days between the 24th Dec to 1st Jan as I wanna bum with friends and stuff then and go to the beach. And then after that the days and weeks will fly back, school will go back in 20 something days, and I’ll be on a cruise in a month or so, and Sal will be back up in Coffs. Life just kinda seems to float on by. Float isn’t the right word, fly seems more correct. And in this year it’s been interesting.. uni is good but to me it is still the same as high school. Unfortunatley for me, I don’t feel I’ve achieved alot this first year at uni. By that I don’t mean like grades or anything, but I mean just an overallness. I’m pretty happy with my first year results… but in a wider scope… I haven’t learnt/achieved to the extent that I did in high school. Maybe as one mentioned, that just shows how much the HSC is a struggle/push a stupid process in which we do more work than is theoretically good for our health to get into this thing called university. But then on another note, maybe it’s because I learnt alot in those last two years, that I feel I haven’t achieved as much as I wish I could? Blah this is just a boring self centred entry.

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Mmm so in the last few days, I’ve been to The Living End show (it rocked! as per usual), got my uni results, went lawn bowling, been to the movies… Uni results were kind of okay… a bit less than I would’ve liked, but I guess I’m still happy with them. DCA made them a lot better. I owned DCA!!! 98!!!. As I know I got 8/10 for my speech, thats where I lost the 2 marks. Which means I got fullmarks for both exams and the assignment… woot! 90/90 for my assignment… that was a pretty damn cool assignment though.. and you could kind of say I loved it to some degree… if you’d seen my previous highschool IPT assignment you’d see what I mean. Anyways it’s my mum’s birthday party tonight, so things are pretty crazy here. She’s turning the big 5 – 0. So I should have a shower soon, cos I have to drop my cousins back home then go pick Sal up. Laters