I feel really weird, you know how you feel at ease, yet you still somehow feel stressed. I’ve got assessments due soon, especially the English feature article, but whilst I’ve done a fair bit which is making me at ease, I still feel stressed because I need another 200 or so words, and also because I’m scared it will suck. We’ll everyone has fears, and I’m just not very good at expressing my thoughts. Though it does seem weird that I’m semi expressing them here, but that’s because the computer is no-one. It’s has no feelings, and even if it did, I don’t know that so it doesn’t matter. Sorta just like the object to take your problems out on I guess, it doesn’t disagree, it doesn’t argue back. It just sits humming away. By the end of next week I will have had enough of dramatic irony, cliches and all these exotic words I have no idea how to spell or say for that matter. I never was a art/literature person, but one to the sciences. I guess that explains everything… the lack of spelling skills, structured sentences and appropriate grammer. Spell check and Shift + F7 is all I need, well for the moment only. And what is the ‘essence of existence’? Hamlet and Ros and Guil, is probably like the only stuff in English which I’ve actually liked, only ‘cos it relates so much to how I have been feeling of recently. Sort of like inner torture I guess, though torture is the wrong word, maybe more like turmoil. Thoughts that spin and churn around in you, leaving you mroe confused than ever before.


It’s Friday night and I’m @ home, sitting in front of the screen coding away in NotePad. Pretty nerdy hey? But at least it’s constructive, and I like programming. Just finished the script to process the transaction to check out a book. It took like ages more than I thought it would take to code. I had to learn a whole new object! But now it’s done it’s pretty good, because I learnt new stuff in the process. Today school was interesting. Outta three lessons, I only had one actual lesson!, and to think I went one period early to do my homework! Anyway I just decided I would spend the rest of tonight trying to make more progress on my English feature article assessment.


It’s still freezing cold @ 10:18am. I’ve been up since 6am, outside in the cold between 6:45 – 8:45, and now I’m back at my computer. And it’s still freezing. My fingers are like sort of numb, which makes it weird to type. What I need is a nice hot cup of soup, or something along the lines like that. I’ve been mucking round with PDF Distiller and Word, and boy is it annoying. Bookmarks I get, but how the hell do I make a structured bookmark?!? Anyway I shouldn’t even my doing what I’m doing, I should be doing my English homework. Argh… I always get distracted.


Had the IPT test today. It was b-a-d! Make that B-A-D. Well it was okay, minus two questions, the first multiple choice, and the question on the medical student searching the web. The latter probably more worse, as it could be read two ways (ambiguity). Either being read on how search engines and directories index data, or how they search their databases for info. I read the latter, though I think the question was meant to get a response more like the former. Oh well, it was ambigious, cos if was really bout indexing, it should’ve been more like, ‘how do search engines create their listing of websites?’ rather than scenario of student searching for data then asking how to the tools work [my theory anyway 🙂 ]. Anyway hopefully I’ll get an okay mark. I spent a whole week of the summer holidays learning about search engines and how they work and index websites. I even started writing my own spider in VBScript, got up to the indexer then school caught up. Oh well now time to wait and see….hehe….shouldn’t think so much, but introverts keep to themselves and think to much. We’re our own worse enemy really.


I got my ITV assessment back yesterday. It was pretty okay, okay it was good, but sometimes I do wonder if it’s of HSC standard? You know questions that float around in your mind like a leaf caught in a wind current. This weekend I’m hoping to get some more of my EES assignment done, and maybe some more of my SDD one. But I really should write up more notes for my Information Systems and Databases test next week. Yeah I know I’m stressing uneccessarily, but you never know, and there is always that little fear of failing, I mean not that I’d fail (hopefully not anyway), but the fear of not doing as well as I should be (muphey’s law – anything that can’t happen, will happen!) Anyway instead of wasting time with my Blog, I think I better do something more constructive.