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I walked all the way home from Ryde RTA. Won’t entail why… but meh. Bumped into Yue on the way, had a very quick chat with her then made on my way down Victoria Rd. I think I’ve pinpointed my issues in life. One – I don’t think I know or am sure of where I’m heading/want to head in life. I’m not talking uni/career wise, but in the bigger picture. I don’t know what I want out of life. I’m not 100% sure about moving forward in life – a sense of uncertainity possibly. Two – I think I have issues with my younger years. I think my mind tells me that I feel I’ve missed/lack a certain aspect of stuff, and I’ve only recently become aware of this. And it has added to not knowing what I want in life or where I want to head. In a nutshell I don’t feel I can associate with my parents as much as parents – children should. Possibly more so my mum than my dad, and as such lacked what some would call a ‘motherly’ figure??? ‘Cos when I think about it now, my mum isn’t really around much, even these days. And when she is, we barely see her anyway because shes of being more concerned with other peoples lives who aren’t her immediate family. Blah blah blah… and I think I do believe that this has had some considerable impact on my growing up and myself as a person today. And that is what is affected by point One really. And because of Two I probably am not moving forward, and One and Two kind of are a circle in a way which is hard to break out of. I should do it myself, but its easier said than done. And there are a few people who are gently trying to get me to break out of my shell and it really is for my own good in the long run… but yeah so the story goes.

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