Here’s something interesting, I was reading Sunday Life today and it has that the signs of a midlife crisis are:

  • Uncharacteristic thoughts, which may include a sense of loss of meaning, feelings of being trapped, anger, depression, boredom, anxiety or dissatisfaction
  • Constant inner questions such as, “What do I want for the rest of my life?” and “Who am I?”
  • Difficulty with health, relationships, work, concentration and sleep
  • Emotional outbursts that appear to come from nowhere
  • Trying to control everything
  • Withdrawal from family, friends and social life
  • Showy behaviour such as affairs, endless acquisitiion and overwork

I read that and it was like an uncanny feeling/presence. For awhile I have begun to suspect my confusion over life, the present, the future and god knows what else as well as some past unhappy moments are somewhat related to a possible either end teen/adolescent crisis (do they even exist???) or a growing up crisis. Most likely a combination of both. It’s different to a mid life crisis, but those signs are ever so similar and/or even the same. I felt trapped in the world, but crazily enough I had the urge to become trapped in a dark hole away from the world. Uncharacteristic thoughts, boredem and dissatisaction too. Those last two still apply somewhat these days. Inner questions, well where do I start. Read Hamlet it will drive you insane with inner questions. ‘What do I want for the rest of my life?’ is a big question as is ‘Who am I?’ I know who I am, but it’s irrelevant in the bigger picture. For what its worth were just a minute factor in the scope of everything around us. Don’t you ever wonder if you were to disappear of the face of the earth would anyone know? or would anyone care? Before long everyone will have moved on and we’ll become some distant single memory somewhere faraway. As for ‘what do I want for the rest of my life?’ I don’t know anymore. I don’t know now and I’m not sure if I will ever know. In a supposed ideal world most of us would say that we wouldn’t have to work. I don’t necessarily know if that’s ideal though. Ideal to me would probably involve finding a balance between things. Ideal to me probably involves things people would go ‘are you crazy’, or ‘it’s a bad move’. Or something like that. But for the better of me I can’t yet come to realise what these ideal things are. As for withdrawal nothing new there that I didn’t know ages ago. Crowds scare me if its a crowd that I’m supposed to not look withdrawn in. Like say a crowd at a concert isn’t scary because I don’t know the other people, and luck says I never will know the other people let alone see them again. But throw me in a room where I’m supposed to ‘know’ people or somehow become entertained… and yeh give me a dark room and a blanket to sit under anyday.